


It's Always You

by TC_Stark



Category: Halt and Catch Fire
Genre: AU, Donna/Gordon, F/M, Rewriting History, They love each other, True Love, because I hate Donna and Gordon not being together, who cares about Katie?
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-10
Updated: 2020-02-10
Packaged: 2021-02-27 23:01:11
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,956
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22643776
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TC_Stark/pseuds/TC_Stark
Summary: Gordon Clark sits at home alone after Katie has left. It's almost time for bed, until Donna knocks on his door.This is a really sappy one-shot/non-lemon (maybe I'll write one later) because I absolutely hated that Donna and Gordon split up. They're soulmates and I'm righting that wrong.
Relationships: Donna Clark/Gordon Clark
Kudos: 3





	It's Always You

Katie had just left for the night. Both of Gordon Clark’s kids were out with friends and the quiet house allowed him to drink his beer peacefully. The television in front of him hummed nonsensically through his ears. He wasn’t really watching anything. It was a means to relax before falling asleep. Having watched a movie earlier, Gordon was okay with shutting his brain off for a little while and just having some time to himself.

Mid-sip, Gordon’s peaceful night was interrupted with a knock on the door. Curious, the engineer placed the beer down and slowly stood up. These days, it was sometimes difficult to get out of the couch. It wasn’t every night. It wasn’t like his illness interrupted his days all of the time, but he had to make room for acceptance of adjustments based on his condition. It was best that he didn’t feel this way around his girlfriend.

Even in his mind, it felt odd to call Katie his girlfriend. He hadn’t had a girlfriend since Donna. For as long as he could remember he had a wife and he was a husband. Not that there was anything wrong with the new chapter of his life. Gordon accepted a long time ago that things would not always end the way he wanted or even expected. In a way, Katie was good for him. She was younger and fun; it was nice to not be serious all of the time and just to laugh. He had gone so long without laughing. 

Making his way to the door, Gordon opened it while seeing his ex-wife having her back turned and looking as if she was going to walk back out to the car, “Donna?”

Surprised by Gordon’s voice, Donna turned. Her lips were parted and she looked at him for a little while, before apologetically smiling and explaining, “I...knocked and then I thought, maybe you were out. It’s late - I can go.”

“No, no,” Gordon insisted, opening the door further and motioning, “You drove here - come in. I was just finishing a beer.”

One would think that it would have been Gordon’s infidelity that would have ended their marriage, but it hadn’t. In reality, Gordon couldn’t pinpoint their marriage’s decline. Perhaps it had been slowly building since arriving in California. Gordon wished he could admit, at the time; that he had felt emasculated. Donna being a strong woman had always been one of the things he loved about her, but out in another state; he felt like he was standing in her shadow. Punished for his affair and made to feel like he, the once brilliant engineer; was nothing more than a pity hire at Mutiny.

That wasn’t what it was. Donna would have never made him feel that way on purpose and he realized that it had been selfish to feel that way about her hard work and success, especially when she had always put up with so much with him at Cardiff and even beforehand. He was just human and so was she. Time and a different environment had been their downfall - maybe. Gordon wished he knew.

As the two walked into the kitchen, Gordon asked, “Can I offer you a beer?”

“Please,” Donna slipped her purse from her shoulder and placed it on the kitchen island, “You are never going to believe who I just had a civil conversation with. Well...it didn’t start out civil.”

Almost amused, Gordon had a small smirk as he handed her a beer and going, “Let me guess - Joe MacMillan.”

A bright smile graced Donna’s beautiful features and she almost shook her head in disbelief before taking a sip. It was amazing how she could look graceful while drinking from a bottle of beer. Gordon knew he had to stop his staring. He couldn’t admire her like that anymore - they were divorced.

And he had a girlfriend.

After taking the sip, Donna nodded, “He came over my house and...I may have slammed the door on his fingers - by accident. But...after that...we talked and, I think it was good. After everything with Comet and Rover and...just everything in the past, I really didn’t think it was possible for us ever to be civil to each other. It’s good to see Joe has changed.”

“Everyone has to grow every once in a while.”

“That they do,” Donna agreed, “When did our daughters grow up?”

The two shared a laugh as Gordon took a sip of his own beer and agreed, “Don’t remind me - thinking about it only reminds me that I’ve gotten older. I don’t need that reminder. Do you remember when they were kids and the most stressful thing was making pancakes in the morning?”

“And Joannie always drowned her pancakes in syrup.” Donna smiled, as Gordon laughed.

Gordon’s ex-wife slipped up on the stood next to the kitchen island and looked around. Observing his kitchen. For a long time, Donna was the cook. When they first moved in, it was as if she had forgotten who she was and slipped into the role of dutiful housewife. Then they had children. Then the Symphonic failed. Gordon slipped into a depressed funk. It was always her making the meals. Making sure the kids had lunch packed. Sure, Gordon eventually started taking over some of the culinary roles. It seemed like it wasn’t until they got to California and separated that her ex-husband was suddenly a chef. It was good. She was glad he was taking care of himself.

Lightly running the tip of her tongue against her lips, Donna spoke up, “If...Katie is coming over, I can leave. I know this is unexpected. I just...wanted to tell you about Joe.”

Gordon held up a hand, “Katie just left - to be honest, I was just watching mindless TV. I was going to go to bed, but...this is better.”

“I’m glad you’re doing well for yourself, Gordon.” 

Smiling back at her, the engineer said gently, “You too.”

While taking sips of their beers, both fell into a somewhat comfortable silence. Somewhat uncomfortable at the same time. It wasn’t angry. There wasn’t resentment. It was simply two people who had known each other for so long, just silent. Sometimes, they didn’t need to say anything to each other.

Donna’s eyes caught Gordon’s for a moment, before she looked down. Her hands were lightly holding onto the bottle of beer on the counter. Her mouth opened to say something, but no words came out. Nothing seemed appropriate at the moment. Anything she said would feel uncalled for and even she wasn’t entirely sure what she wanted to say. Donna wished that silence could be enough for them, but they weren’t married, so it couldn’t be just that.

“I’m...really happy for you, Gordon. I never got to say that...I’m happy that you found someone.” Donna finally spoke, feeling as if that was the only thing she could say.

A rueful smile tugged at the corners of Gordon’s lips, as he gently said, “You don’t need to be happy, Donna.”

“No, I-”

Shaking his head, Gordon said, “We’ve been...really polite to each other. And that’s good. I don’t...want us to be the typical divorced couple who are resentful towards each other. We’ve known each other for a long time and we have two daughters together. So, it’s good, but...we don’t...we don’t talk honestly sometimes because we want to be so polite...because we almost aren’t allowed to be truthful to each other...because we’re divorced.”

“Yea,” Donna almost sighed in relief, “Yes! Exactly! I have so much I want to say to you.”

“Give it to me.”

“I feel like I lost everyone and everything in the divorce. It’s not just about splitting time with the kids, it’s about Cameron and Bos...I hate that we have to act like these still adults when we literally have children together.”

Gordon nodding, speaking, “I never felt like I was a part of Mutiny and I was constantly being punished for something I did that was completely stupid. And then I felt like...what was the point anymore?”

Donna thinned her lips as her eyes looked at him so large. Truthfully, it had hurt when Gordon confessed that he had slept with someone else. It was like a gut punch and it was something she never really confronted. She was just so eager to move on and she realized that perhaps that was why they grew apart. Because they glossed over major issues that they should have talked about.

Gordon realized that in the middle of their sharing exchange, Donna hadn’t gone. It made him worried; maybe this was a bad idea. Just as he was about to call her name, he could hear the break in her voice, “I’m afraid...that your illness is going to get worse...and when it gets worse...it’s going to be Katie and not  _ me  _ by your side. That...it’s going to be Katie who everyone will feel bad for...and who will have meant the most to you because...because she’s your...girlfriend.”

Gordon didn’t want to think about dying. Most days he felt perfectly fine. Most days he was doing alright, because he had found a way to manage himself. He took medication. He ate right. He even exercised. The truth was, though; that perhaps one day he could succumb to his illness and he did think about who was in his life when it was the end.

“Donna,” Gordon got up, walking around to where she was sitting, “It’s you. It’s always been you.”

“No...no, we’re...we’re divorced and you have a girlfriend....I’m making it all about me.”

Donna had went to dry her tears, but Gordon scooped up her hands and begged her to look at him. Staring up at the face of the man she had loved since she was in college, she asked, “Tell me I’m out of line.”

“You’re not out of line, Donna...I’ve been pretending to be okay...with this arrangements for the past few years. We had a lot of problems - we were both at times in our lives where...we were too close to fix anything. But, being like this - I can’t stand it. I think about you, Donna, all the time. It feels so foreign to not have you here...to play this...routine that we’re in. It’s all fake; I don’t like it. I don’t like us not being together. I’ve tried it...and I don’t want to die and you aren’t the one by my side.”

“I love you, Gordon.” Donna blurt out, just desperate to say it once more.

Running his thumb against her hands, Gordon gently sighed, “I love you too, Donna...we need to start being honest with each other - we’ve spent too many years, even when we were married, not being honest and that’s how we ended up like this.”

Donna nodded, sniffling in her tears, “I want us to try this again...I just want us to be us.”

With a small smile, Gordon pulled her closer gently. They were only inches away and both looked at each other. As if, for a moment; they had forgotten what this was like. As if, there were some uncertain rules that said they couldn’t. Quickly, that dissipated and normalcy was restore, as Gordon pressed his mouth against Donna’s. It was what had been missing for all of these years - what was missing with Katie. She wasn’t Donna.

With his mouth on hers, Gordon smiled a little, “Wanna spend the night, Mrs. Clark?”

Donna smiled, happier than she had been in a long time; “Yes.”


End file.
